Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
