the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
