respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
