Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
