I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
