hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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