i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
