question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
