If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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