Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just cropdusted the office
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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