ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize