He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
