If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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