You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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