At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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