instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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