I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
