Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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