After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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