His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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