I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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