Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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