I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
