Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize