who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
