hotel room ftw
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
