I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
