The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
