She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
how drunk are you?
Several
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
