Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
