found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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