i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
