Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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