I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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