Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
