The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
