I cockslap morals
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
