Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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