Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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