I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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