Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
