i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
