This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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