There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
