Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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