When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
