I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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