Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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