she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
