So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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