after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize