i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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