I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
