my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
