dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
