If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
