so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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