Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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