even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
