i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
