New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
