i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
