between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
