Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
