So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
