fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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