Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
