So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
