TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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