Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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