just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
this will be a night to untag.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
