Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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