Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just had sex on a roof
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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