u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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