Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
