By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
