Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize