Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
