went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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