dude i'm inner monologue high
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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