I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
