You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
