She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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