hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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