i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
