It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
