fuck your aforementioned shoe
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
