remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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