I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
