There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
