My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
