Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
are you so shy because you have an std?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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