I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
