And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
