Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she peed on how many people?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
