So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It's just like the Real World with babies
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
