that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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