Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize