Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
